How to Steal a National Park in 5 Easy Steps

A guide for aspiring land-grabbers, based on real tactics used to strip protections from public lands.

Ever gazed out over the Grand Canyon and thought, “You know what would really tie this landscape together? A massive uranium strip mine.”? Ever wandered through the redwoods and wondered why they didn’t just finish the job back in the day and clear-cut them all? Or maybe you’ve driven past Yellowstone and muttered, “Why in the world is nobody fracking here yet?”

Well, great news—stealing public land has never been easier! Thanks to decades of political loopholes, backroom deals, and just the right amount of good old-fashioned corruption, you too can unlock America’s natural resources and turn some of the country’s most treasured landscapes into profit machines.

And if you were ever going to do it, now is the time. With a new administration stacked top-to-bottom with industry-friendly officials, the barriers to plundering public lands are dropping faster than an auctioneer’s gavel at a BLM lease sale.

And the best part? You don’t even have to break the law. (Well… maybe just a little. But…